Posts (page 2)

So today I had to wake up EXTREMELY early...for a Saturday anyway...so that I could go help out with a carnival fund raiser my school put on. There were clowns...my classmates...as clowns. PRICELESS! I braided hair with string and beads and all that good stuff. And I did well considering how Im not really a "children person" and there was really only one of them who was a total brat. But mostly we had fun. Which is a major improvement considering the mood Ive been in the past few days...well...yeah. Anyway I feel better because I finally managed to get enough money so I could buy some friggin smokes. And then I smoked two within like...twenty minutes. I should really slow down seeing how they seem to run out so fast now lol. Anyway I noticed a song on a commercial that I though was pretty fuckin sweet and so I decided to do a little research. First of all here's the commercial Im sure some of you have already seen and heard it:

Chevy Traverse Shoes Commercial

My instructor pulled me aside after class and asked me if I was ok. Seriously...I'm usually good at hiding when stuff is crap but I guess today I was just out of it because after class I came home and just...slept.  For about three hours mind you. I dont know what's going on but I kinda feel like Im spiraling. And I really hope I get this job because I feel like right now it's the only thing that's going to reverse the uh...spiral. So the finale of Project Runway is today (yes Im one of those) And Im just saying...Im nervous like it's me or some shit. Why does tv do that huh? Well now I have to do a bunch of stuff because that's just how today worked out I guess...I hope things pick up I really do because well...I just dont know if I can do this that much longer. Im really trying not to break but...I don't know. Today I kept telling myself: 'You are not alone, you are independent and you don't need a million people to make you happy' So I guess...that's going to be my mantra in my head from now on because I think it kinda worked and made me feel a little better. I already know that if I get a job it'll do me good. ALOTTA good. I'll have money, I'll be doing something that's worth something. Im one of those people who need to work you know? I can't explain it I just...I feel so much better about myself when I have a job. I don't know if it makes any sense but that's how I am. Kay people bye and stuff.

Guess who has a fuckin interview with The Gap on Monday...THAT WOULD BE ME BITCHES!!!! Yeah! Guess who also just lied to their drawing instructor in an email saying she has a doctors appointment and cant make it to the second half of classes (so she can really go to a job interview) ME AGAIN! Hhahahaha Im soooo happy! Ive never even seriously shopped at The Gap though...too expensive lol. But I dont care cos I can take their money and buy shit other places! YAY MONEY!!! Now all I have to do is nail this freakin interview. And hey who knows maybe I'll get some other calls since the freakin Gap considered me...Maybe I'll get some calls from places I can actually use the discount haha. So this is me being happy that I have something to tell my grandma when I call her today...it's her birthday. I LUV MY GANDMOTHER!!! OK sorry that was just my early excitement showing. Extra. YESSS! Kbye! 

Hiiiiidey hooooo! I feel like crap and I just thought that maybe that would cheer me up. Didn't work much but whatever. Anyway...today...um...sucked. And everything is closed because we're celebrating the wonderful thief Christopher Columbus and his (ignorant) wonderful (mistaken find) discovery of America (not India). I would also like to remember just how well he treated the natives...oh wait...he made them slaves and raped their women. Nice Christopher...nice. Anyway since it's Asshole Day the mail is stopped and the banks are closed and everything worth doing costs money and the library is closed too so poo. Anyway I collapsed in my drawing class cos I feel like crappo. We finally had a male model for the first time and what do I do? I collapse. People are probably gonna think I cant handle a penis or something. Well the guy was facing away from me when I went down at least...bah who cares what they think right? Im so bored...I wish I had some money...and a job...and some bitches with cars. OK Im done wanting now...Today has been boring and I think it will continue to be that way. Yippie...

Hm...what did I do today? Absolutely nothing. I didnt even leave my freakin dorm today. I slept in until like...literally two pm and then I woke up and retwisted my dreads for hours while watching scifi movies all day long. And then I did my homework for tomorrow which took forever because I had to draw hands and hands are a fuckin bitch to draw...ugh. Anyway, I hope all of my lovely neighbors and any other random person who happens to read this (AKA no one) has had a better Sunday than I did....

OK...so Ive always said to myself that I pray to god that I dont ever get super depressed and if I do get supre depressed that I dont have a credit card. Well...I have a debit card and Im depressed. The reason I say this is because Im one of those people who get a high from buying shit. Like...even if Im having a crappy day and I go to the dollar store and spend like...five bucks it makes me feel a little better. I am also the kind of person who rarely has money. Now you know my current financial situation (crappy and broke...and at the moment jobless) and well what did I just do five minutes ago? WHAT DID I DO??? I bought a fuckin cigarette holder online and the order came to twenty bucks. Yes I did. And yes I am incredibly stupid. But at least I feel a bit better. And Im not in debt...yet. Le sigh. Anyway, Im not going to let my stupidity ruin my kinda brightened a little mood and instead Im going to show you my purchase! 

Rhinestone-Set.gif

So yeah today I hopped on the bus so I could go BACK to the mall to return the applications I filled out from last time and I even picked up another one...And guess who was at the mall. GUESS! My fuckin roommate with her "posse" or what the fuck ever. Seriously? Can I ever get away from them and their annoying shit? Of course I managed to go unnoticed (I think) and I just kinda scanned the stores before I went in. Anyway they all got high yesterday and fucking took my ketchup outta my fridge and didnt return it...fuckin munchies. And yeah its only ketchup but thats a big something when YOU pay for it and you dont have but 45 fuckin dollars to your fuckin name. Imma get my shit back or the money to pay for it at least. Fuckin stoners. I wish I had my own apartment. And a job. Im seriously praying that SOMEONE ANYONE calls me in for an interview. Because good god I am BROKE and I just smoked my last cigarette a few mins ago. Which just gives me another reason to freak out. I think my mom is sending me a care package though and she usually sends food so that's one less thing to worry about and also thank god my mother hasnt given up on me and still loves me enough to send me shit. 

WHY ARE MY ROOMMATES ANNOYING ME SO MUCH LATELY?! I feel like I should have a fuckin smoke in my hand whenever either one of them are around...Seriously? What the fuck?

First and foremost I would like to say that I spelled "life" like that on purpose...it goe with the French accent that I have no clue about. Now! Have you ever felt like you were living the wrong life(lief). Like you're missing out on things you're destined to be a part of but you just cant get your foot in the door or some crap like that? I got to college one month ago and in this month I think Ive cried more than ever and over what? My stupid fucking life. And you know my life really isnt that fucked up. It's me that's fucked up! It's my stupid freakin brain...I honestly think that there is something wrong with me. But then I feel like there couldnt be because Im admitting to it right? Crazy unbalanced people never know that they're crazy unbalanced right? Or is that just the case for the psychopaths? Anyway, Ive been thinking lately and I cant figure out why Ive been like this for the past month or so. Im not home-sick that's for damn sure. And now that I think about it, this started this summer while I was still AT HOME. Or "home" really cos Ive never really considered that my home. I dont know. And yes people call me a stupid whiny bitch but yo I need to vent so just let me and turn the other way. As a matter of fact don't read this. I know it's super late to be saying that but hey it is now the twenty-first century and you should be able to write yourself a sticky note, go back in time, and give yourself the message not to read this. Go ahead. Do it. What are you waiting for it's your time. Anyway Im just hoping that Im able to find a job and fulfill a few other personal goals I have set for myself and maybe, just maybe, shit will start looking up. And I dont mean that literally because how freaky would that be if turds started looking at shit. It'd be creepy enough with eyes but if it actually had the ability to focus on junk...yeah...Im done now. But that's ok because you never read this :D

I swear I think I have the mind of a fucking adolescent boy. Seriously I dont think it's normal to think about sex or things related to sex or things that arent even related to sex but somehow I end up thinking about sex as much as I do. And the thing is Ive always been this way! What the hell...And Im alone at the moment :( Not even a bitch on the side to push around. Bah. Love sucks. Well for me it does anyway. I went to the mall yesterday and I applied at a bunch of places and got applications from even more. Which means I have to go back to return them. Which would give me another reason to shop if I had any money so it looks like it'll be strictly business this time. On the bright side I have a definite paycheck (that's prob like ten bucks) from my work study that should be here in two weeks. But seriously that's still TWO WEEKS. Argh. I have to go back to class...