strvngrtist929’s blog

Don't you love getting catalogs? I freakin do. It's like being able to window shop without having to go out in 11 degree weather...That's ELEVEN DEGREES. It's in the negatives when you add in the wind chill factor. Stupid fucking winter. PLEASE HURRY UP SPRING! Anyway...I pretty much had a depressed 'Im going to stay in bed and read/sleep all day' kinda day. So...no news. Oh but thank god for elevators as they help with the avoidance of drunken loser neighbors who decided to stumble up narrow stair ways...ugh gotta love college freshman. Wait...Imma college freshman. Whatever.

I seem to be inspired or something...a change within myself? I don't know. But whatever it is it's making me wander aimlessly all day walking for Im guessing miles, returning home, researching art I have a new found interest in (erotic...no not pornographic) and then staying up until now which would be...three in the morning but coming up with brilliant ideas for a current project Im working on knowing that I have a class tomorrow at nine but that's ok because I have my new found ideas for that class as well as another idea for the project we're working on TOMORROW which is equally brilliant i must say. So either I've finally had my artistic spark or Im bipolar. Or both. I need to sleep so I don't collapse tomorrow. Onky for  few hours though I can't waist time sleeping I have tons to do! Sooooo much to do. Oh and I applied at some place for a maintenance job today. Hope I get it. Oh and they seem laid back so I might be able to keep my monroe piercing visible. Did I mention that I got one of those? I did...Now...OFF TO SLEEP! But first I must shower...that way in the morning...few hours when I have to wake up I can just get dressed and eat and all that face doing up junk and on my way I will be to class! w00t. Yeah I went there.

I wold like to start off by saying that I do not complain this much in real life...I was looking over my old entries and I couldn't help but think 'holy crap who is this whiney bitch?' but then I had to remind myself that is where I come to vent. See in real life I handle shit...in a professional manor. Well...kinda. Anyway, this is where I come to vent so that I don't get arrested in real life because that is what would eventually happen. See...I know myself. Now...to the venting!!!

Well...it seems that after abandoning my blog...and mingling with other corners of the net I have faithfully come back because well...I miss simply blogging about life. So...yeah, here I am again. Still sick of everyone and everything that surrounds me aside from my classes. I've decided over the eon and a half since my last blog that I really don't like the  overall environment my art school is in. Yup...big downer. But I do enjoy majority of my classes so I guess that's something that takes away from the 'ugh' factor. Also another good thing about going to this school iiiis: I get to transfer to the Brooklyn campus my junior year. And seeing how freshman year is pretty much half over there's not that much of a wait. I think I'll really do better in Brooklyn like...socially just because I feel like there's not enough of a variety of you know...personalities here. Not to mention it's upstate and EXTRA freezing all the fucking time! And yes Im have to say...the shopping sucks here. Being the little fashion fiend that I am and it seems my condition has gotten worse along with my financial status (i.e. extra broke) that is a MAJOR issue for me. But yeah...Im going to go back to my book. Because that's what I do now. Art. Shop. Read. *heavy sigh*

Well it's raining. And I got caught in it. But on the bright side I finally made it to the library. I checked out some stuff by Poe and Diane Setterfield. Very appropriate for the season. It's freezing but I have a tolerance for it now...Plus it suits the mood. Is it horrible that the sound of my roommate's voice angers me now? Im getting to the point where I can't stand just the sight of her...I think me and roommates aren't a good combo. Ah well, gotta live with it.

Kay...so I think something is like...seriously wrong with me. Socially. Or something. Because ok, there's this dude who I think is really cute right...and well I was outside my building having a cigarette and I guess he was behind me and he was staying outside to smoke as well. Well he starts to talk to me just you know casual and everything he said I could only respond with short and half retarded answers. Like seriously what the fuck that could have been my freakin chance! Even if it wouldn't have ended in hot steamy passion (which Im sure it wouldn't) I still could have made a friend or at least a nice friendly CONVERSATION! But lately I've just...closed up. I spent years as a shy quiet little no body and I finally managed to bloom into someone who was able to speak her mind over the past few years and since I've been here I just...shut down. Im like a fuckin wilted flower or something. And it sucks because I got back to my room and sat down and for a few seconds I was on the verge of hysteria because it was like I was screaming 'WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME' over and over in my head at about a million words a second! Like the guy even managed to remember my name and I probably came off as a total bitch or just...stupid. And I came here to have fun. Ive been holding myself back. It's one thing if you're being held back by a lover or parents or something like that but it's entirely different when you're holding yourself back. It's almost pathetic in a way. I feel like I have a lot to sort through and figure out and I also feel like it isn't going to be easy. Ive had all these issues that in the past Ive just kinda pushed to the back of my head and ignored them but I feel like everything is catching up to me now and it's slowing me down as a person because Im drowning in them! Im drowning in the issues that Ive ignored all these years. And I guess I only have two choices: sink or swim. Right? Unless someone wants to throw me a floatation device :) 

So Ive been reading Stephen King's Dreamcatcher and then last night I had some crazy ass kinda scary dreams which is weird. Even though it's kinda even weirder that the book itself is about shitting out alien worm things...anyway first I dreamed that both me and my mom got infected with some...sickness that was basically fatal no matter what. First these barnicle like things grew on your skin and then you eventually just started to crumble and fall part. I was basically watching my mother die as I was dying myself. It was horrible and I was soooo glad when I woke up. I still think Im going to call her today to see how she is. Oh and f course my dad was being his usual ass hole self in the dream if not more. And then my second dream was about zombies attacking my campus. It was scary as shit dude. And it was so real I remember thinking "I wish this was a dream so I could wake up from this nightmare!' nd well...I did. I and I didnt even get my brain eaten or injured or anything. Twas awesome. Oh and I remember there was another random dream where I was over my aunt's house and then at McDonald's training for a job (please god dont let that be a sign of things to come!!! I hate working fast food...) abd then I was about to eat a cheese burger. And Im a vegetarian. BAD DREAM SELF BAAAD! Anyway Ive been on the apple website looking at all the things that I wnt and will probably not have for a long time seeing how I have no job and even when I do get a job I have to ocus on other things first...but hey, it made me feel better for the future :D

I got my cigarette holder! And even better, it came with a free cleaning kit and this sweetener stuff. Which is great because uh, free stuff? Always a plus. Anyway, today was my interview, or rather first part of the interview...it was a group interview which was kind of annoying but I feel like I smashed those little high school bitches that were with me.  No offense to anyone who is in high school still of course...if you were competing for my possible job then you...be offended. Anyway, I feel like I did a pretty good job and now Im just waiting for a callback. Like an actress or some shit right? Oh no...just retail. Ha. Anyway, I reeeeally want to go try out my new holder and I also reeeally want to try out my cigarette holder. But it's cold out and I don't want to go to far. But then there are always people around the outside of the dorm...the other smokers and such and I don't like smoking around people. Beh, I only have one class tomorrow I think I'll just wait until then. Even though I REEEAALLY want one. But that's ok...because I can control myself. I control it. It does not control me. OH! And on the same website I got my holder from they have those Lucienne Alto lighters that are like...really slim and sleek and all that and I WANT ONE! Anyway I guess I'll just stick to my cheap see through purple one I got at Rite-Aid. Hem. Once I get the job (AND I WILL MOTHER FUCKERS!) I will be able to afford it :D heh heh heh

Someone's FREEZER caught on fire today. Funny right? Actually...it's pretty freakin hilarious. Sure sure it was electrical but the thought of a freezer shooting out flames is both down-right and straight-up hilarious! And it's allowed to be so because no one was hurt and all that good shit.

I want someone to write a song for me. Just thought I should share that desire. How friggin awesoe would that be? To have someone compose a song or even just like...create a work of art because of YOU. shweet huh?